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in a dream, 

i was smoking two cigarettes out of spite for something that i didn’t remember. leaning over a white balcony, looking at a white sky with no horizon in sight, i was fuming all on my own until a neighbor called out my name and asked what i was doing. he, a middle-aged man that everyone associated with death for whatever reason, was trying to stop me from smoking the two cigarettes, telling me that i will die. he didn’t like death, and death hated him. i turned to look at him just as he was going back inside, and i said, “die with me.” the change in his expression was slow and agonizing, but in the end he had relief in his eyes. i said, “die together with me. let’s die.” and each time i said that, his eyes burned brighter and brighter.

after that, i fell from the zenith. one with the sky. watching all the waters of the world colliding in a race to escape my fall.

this is the best dream i have had in a very long time.

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dreamed i was so sleepy that i laid down next to a railroad track and stayed there. a train passed and stopped just enough so that the last passenger could watch me from his window.

dream

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I was with a very beautiful woman dressed in a blue satin dress, walking around a city with almost no streetlights. It was clear she was evil, but most of all she was confused and naive in her current situation, which was why I chose not to leave her. We found a telephone booth that doubled as a glass and wood staircase leading to a bridge over the road. She went inside the booth, sat down on the steps, and started singing with her back to me. I videotaped it, the shadows crawling over her bare neck.

i was still pretty out of it when the rain and the thunder arrived so it was easy to believe my brain when it told me they were here for one specific girl whose name i forgot. i thought, “how nice.”

well, i dreamed that i was taking pictures of the city in flames through a very large window in some hotel room. there was a voice quietly explaining why this was all happening but i wasn’t paying much attention. i was distracted by the colors. little parts of the sky were exploding, smoke was shooting up from underground, a bridge was breaking and dispensing several hundred cars on top of several hundred other cars. red, gray, black, and orange. after a while i walk outside to meet my friend in a nearby cafe. i noticed that everyone was treating this chaos as if it were just another little problem. did they not realize that none of us were even supposed to be in that city? not only because it was screaming death and destruction, but because none of us were from there in the first place.

“i wanted you
to love me loudly,
because the world around
us 
was already
so
quiet…”

things like that, if you heard them yourself, you’d probably turn away too.

she gathered up the things she had, things that i scattered across the glass floor to cover up our reflections. (they were so intricate that i felt uncomfortable in their gazes). the smoke leaking from my cigarette seemed to be attracted to her crouched form, almost completely covering her body and weaving into her hair. she knew i stopped listening after that line, but she kept talking anyway. 

everything

and then you…

just like that

she knew i stopped listening, but she kept talking anyway. 

after a while her arms were finally full, so she stood up and rested her forehead on my chest. her face was smoke, her hair was smoke, her legs were smoke, and our reflections kept watching. i remember wanting to say something irrelevant to the situation, and i remember holding my tongue, and i remember how desperately it tried to break free from my throat.

laughter, as if the whole thing was a big two year prank. holding my arms and swinging them left and right, looking at the floor.

“i was gonna go back to you. i’m going back for you. next wednesday.”

i do not care anymore so it frustrates when i dream like this.